Sharing our secret

I'm the oldest of 6 children in my family and my parents have divorced. While we aren't the closest bunch in the world, we have all paired of into tight little groups that will frequently hang out together.

Once or twice a month the whole family (minus my father) will get together for a home cooked meal, usually at my Mom's.

My Mom and me are close but I have always been the independent child who would quite happily go off and do my own thing from an early age. I never relied on having my family near by to do anything but I would always appreciate their support in any new venture I tried, whether that be a new job, a sport or even travelling to another part of the world.

The closest bond that I had with a relative was with my little sister Kat. We have an age gap of nearly 10 years and she is the second youngest in the family. I was just becoming a teenager when she was born and have always felt a protectiveness over her that I didn't have for any other sibling. Then as she grew older, she developed a love of music and film that made her quite the character to be around. Its difficult not to adore her, she has such an infectious personality.

Kat lost her job and was in need of something new, so I invited her to come and work in my office. I was the office manager of a busy sales floor and needed help from someone I could trust, so she was the perfect person to bring in.

I was nervous about it would effect our personal life but it did nothing but reinforce it and make us closer. We would have lunch together and share stories on whats new or exciting in our lives.

When me and M started dating I was keen to introduce her to Kat before anyone else. I had told her about how we met and the two of them had been out a couple of times together, drinking, shopping and they got along well. M is slightly younger than me but still a way in front of Kat, so she looked at her as a kind of little sister herself.

When I told Kat that i'd met M she was pleased for me. She had seen the previous relationships I had tried and knew how wrong they were for me but she was prepared to give this one a shot because I was noticeably a changed person for the better with M in my life, even in a short amount of time.

We went to lunch one day and I told her how we'd met in a bar. I went into all the details on her looks, personality and where she was from before Kat asked what M did for work. I replied quickly that she was a waitress in a quiet restaurant that I hadn't heard of before. I felt bad lying to my little sister but didn't want her to judge M or get the wrong idea about what it was she ACTUALLY did.

The two of them became close and would often meet up. Kat would share stories of her attempts to find Mr right and the Mr wrongs she had been unearthing. The latest guy was messing her around and M offered to have a night on the town to cheer her up.

I dropped the two of them outside a local bar and arranged to pick them up when they were done. A few hours passed and I get the call from M to head back to pick them up. Kat was going to spend the night so I didn't have to worry about dropping her home. The two of them stumble out of the bar giggling. It's nice to see Kat looking so much more relaxed after her earlier mood.

M hops in the front and Kat behind her. The two instantly stop giggling. I ask how their night was and they just look at each other before Kat starts replying.

''What does M do for work?'' she asks.

I glance over at M and she is staring forward refusing to make eye contact with me. It doesn't take a genius to work out that the two of them have shared 'the secret' and I just awkwardly smile before ignoring her.

She pushes for an answer and I explain that clearly they've had that chat already. I ask what she thinks about that and she just replies ''its cool''. I change the subject and start pushing for answers on how the rest of the night was during our drive back. We get home and I disappear to bed.

When I wake, Kat is already in the kitchen nursing her headache with a coffee. I joke about it and then chat moves on to M.

I am keen to find out what she thinks about M's line of work and to my surprise, she couldn't be more excited. The two of them have shared all the gossip about how it works and exactly what happens on cam. We don't go into fine detail about what I have done on there too but she gets the idea. I ask if she is OK with the news to which she replies ''Hell yea. If shes making good money and you are happy...why not?!''.

I had always seen her as this little baby so didn't expect such a mature response to hearing the news. She was able to see past the fact that its porn. She had come to the decision that its a safe environment that M works in and clearly paying good money. So as long as her brother was happy then so was she.

It was a welcome relief that someone in my family other than me could see past the stigma of a Cam Model and appreciate that the person doing it is real and could not some filthy degenerate looking to make a sleazy buck like some people think.

I weighed up who I needed/wanted to tell and there were only two others now Kat was on board. My best friend Jon and my Mom!

I figured it easier to tackle the chat with Jon first. We've been friend for more years than I can remember and I have probably spent more time hanging out with him and playing sports than I have anyone else in my life.

He had spent a lot of time M. He was married with two kids and whenever a babysitter was possible we would always go to dinner, drinks, something. His wife and M loved each others company too, so their friendship means the world to me and M both.

Me and Jon went to a soccer game to watch our favorite team. We'd been hammered 4-0 by the opposition and neither of us was feeling great about wasting our night in the freezing weather to watch it. We left the car park to start our 45 minute drive home and there was silence for the first 10 minutes.

I have no idea why I felt this was the best time, but I went for it anyway. ''So......I may of lied about what M does for work''. He turned to face me and had no clue what I was talking about.

''You know how she waits tables.....yea that's not true. We had to keep it a secret to avoid people finding out what she really does''.

The silence continued from Jon's side, just a confused and somewhat scared look remained.

''You ever heard of a Cam model? well that's what she does''

''A cam model? like a model....fashion shoots and stuff? or are you talking nude modelling?'' His face began to grin.

I quickly stop him before he gets ahead of his thinking ''No you fool. So you know these late night TV shows where you can phone in and talk with the girl on television....its like that. Only you don't speak, you type and instead of a television, its on a computer screen and you pay for stuff with tokens''.

''And you are OK with that?''

''Yea, I am. 100%. She's awesome at it, she's never at risk, I can watch her if I wanted to and she makes a damn load of money!!!. Then once she is finished, I get her back and its just normal life again.''

It took the rest of the journey home to get him to believe that I wasn't joking with him. Once we got past that stage he got serious and began asking when she works, how she gets paid, how long its been happening and how does she keep it secret?

He came into our apartment for a beer to talk over this revelation. He was fascinated and couldn't believe that M did this. He kept saying how she seems so normal?! So quiet! He would never of guessed it.

We went into detail on how she remains anonymous by blocking the state we live in, which had worked so far. Then came some of the funnier stories about experiences on cam. I want to share some of these in a future post so I wont ruin any surprises, however, M has been in some 'odd' spots. From the guy who wanted her to be covered in Jelly with Sprinkles, to the man that offered money if she wore shoes to bed and posted him the inner soles.

He loved the stories and to this day, every time we hang out he asks for the latest batch of interesting chat from the room. M allowed him to share with his wife and as far as we know. they have always kept it to themselves. They never ask for explicit detail on the shows that M does, but they show an interest and end the chat when it starts to get beyond the boundary of where is comfortable as 'dinner chat'.

The one thing it did change in our friendship, was his willingness to share information about his sex life and relationship issues.

We've always shared EVERYTHING but what happens in bed or close personal info has always been left out. After sharing what M does for work, he never held back again. He goes into information on anything that happens and comes to me for advice or an opinion on his marriage. I have never claimed to be a Shrink but knowing that me and M are so bound in our love and trust of each other, he has been wide open to listen to my advice where I can give any.

So Jon is also on board with M's secret.

Finally my Mom. This one was the chat I feared being most awkward or cringy. How do you sit down with the lady that raised you from a baby and tell her that your girlfriend (and you ) perform sex acts on camera for money.

It may or may not be the case, but I feel like a man telling his Mom is harder than the Cam Model telling hers. The bond between a Mom and daughter (specially in M's case) is so strong that they are commonly like sisters with a slightly larger than normal age gap. M and her Mom share stories on everything and hold nothing back, whereas I made a conscious effort to keep everything from my Mom. First Girlfriend, first Kiss and definitely no information on sex. Jeez, I still held hope that even at 29 years old she thought I was a virgin. No matter how down to earth and cool my Mom is, I didn't want to share that with her.

This seemed different though. I had started to envision my life with M. Marriage, babies and growing old together, wrinkled and drinking iced tea on a porch, gossiping about our neighbors. I had to tell her what M did because it would be harder to approach that chat once married, I think??, who knows?.

I decide today's the day and phone my Mom. We get done talking and I invite her to dinner at a local place in town that night. An early treat for mothers day.

We meet there, take our seats and start dinner. I try 4-5 times to work into the conversation about M's work but a seamless link never appears. I do however manage to get her to drink a couple of large glasses of wine which Will come in handy for sure. I text M and warn her that I have decided to tell my Mom. This is news to her and she instantly panics. M's with her own Mom and the two of them are waiting anxiously to find out what happens.

In hindsight I should of warned her but I didn't want to go into the reasons for deciding it was time. I didn't want her to know I was sharing with Mom because I wanted to ask M to marry me. While my Mom's decision wouldn't stop me, it would make me feel more comfortable to know she's on board.

After I fail to start the chat at dinner, I suggest driving to a casino nearby and Mom agrees.

I finally get the words out once we hit the road. I start by telling her that I need to share a secret about M which no one can know. My Mom bless her heart, instantly thinks she about to be a grandma but I squash that thought as soon as I see her think it.

I go on to tell her what M does and again, leave out explicit details but she gets the idea. Her first reaction was to say that she knew something was wrong when M never seemed to be out of the apartment long enough to work a shift.

Again, like Jon and Kat, she asks how I feel about the situation. When its clear that i'm comfortable with it and that me and M have had many long talks about what may arise or difficulties that may be faced, she is fine.

She tells me how much she loves M and no job could ever change that. She adds that M has been a shining star in my life and something so amazing cant be wrong. We should follow our hearts and do what makes us happy.

Although she wasn't bubbling with pride or excitement she was never angry or disappointed  in us. She trusts us to make our own decisions in life and support whatever we choose.

Over a couple of drinks last Christmas she even joked in private that if Kat gets a little strapped for cash, she should look into a stint on Cam. To me, that sums my Mom up perfectly. She loves her children and see's beyond job titles or labels. She see's the person behind them and recognizes the beauty in everything about them.

Its an amazing feeling to get home to M and share the news. The hug as I walked in lasted an eternity.

I had known the people I was sharing with for many years, so had a rough idea what to expect from them. M didn't and had worried for so long. She had never managed to get a guy to accept the Cam model title before me, so to get the whole circle accepting and loving her.....It was a relief.

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