Sharing our secret

I'm the oldest of 6 children in my family and my parents have divorced. While we aren't the closest bunch in the world, we have all paired of into tight little groups that will frequently hang out together.

Once or twice a month the whole family (minus my father) will get together for a home cooked meal, usually at my Mom's.

My Mom and me are close but I have always been the independent child who would quite happily go off and do my own thing from an early age. I never relied on having my family near by to do anything but I would always appreciate their support in any new venture I tried, whether that be a new job, a sport or even travelling to another part of the world.

The closest bond that I had with a relative was with my little sister Kat. We have an age gap of nearly 10 years and she is the second youngest in the family. I was just becoming a teenager when she was born and have always felt a protectiveness over her that I didn't have for any other sibling. Then as she grew older, she developed a love of music and film that made her quite the character to be around. Its difficult not to adore her, she has such an infectious personality.

Kat lost her job and was in need of something new, so I invited her to come and work in my office. I was the office manager of a busy sales floor and needed help from someone I could trust, so she was the perfect person to bring in.

I was nervous about it would effect our personal life but it did nothing but reinforce it and make us closer. We would have lunch together and share stories on whats new or exciting in our lives.

When me and M started dating I was keen to introduce her to Kat before anyone else. I had told her about how we met and the two of them had been out a couple of times together, drinking, shopping and they got along well. M is slightly younger than me but still a way in front of Kat, so she looked at her as a kind of little sister herself.

When I told Kat that i'd met M she was pleased for me. She had seen the previous relationships I had tried and knew how wrong they were for me but she was prepared to give this one a shot because I was noticeably a changed person for the better with M in my life, even in a short amount of time.

We went to lunch one day and I told her how we'd met in a bar. I went into all the details on her looks, personality and where she was from before Kat asked what M did for work. I replied quickly that she was a waitress in a quiet restaurant that I hadn't heard of before. I felt bad lying to my little sister but didn't want her to judge M or get the wrong idea about what it was she ACTUALLY did.

The two of them became close and would often meet up. Kat would share stories of her attempts to find Mr right and the Mr wrongs she had been unearthing. The latest guy was messing her around and M offered to have a night on the town to cheer her up.

I dropped the two of them outside a local bar and arranged to pick them up when they were done. A few hours passed and I get the call from M to head back to pick them up. Kat was going to spend the night so I didn't have to worry about dropping her home. The two of them stumble out of the bar giggling. It's nice to see Kat looking so much more relaxed after her earlier mood.

M hops in the front and Kat behind her. The two instantly stop giggling. I ask how their night was and they just look at each other before Kat starts replying.

''What does M do for work?'' she asks.

I glance over at M and she is staring forward refusing to make eye contact with me. It doesn't take a genius to work out that the two of them have shared 'the secret' and I just awkwardly smile before ignoring her.

She pushes for an answer and I explain that clearly they've had that chat already. I ask what she thinks about that and she just replies ''its cool''. I change the subject and start pushing for answers on how the rest of the night was during our drive back. We get home and I disappear to bed.

When I wake, Kat is already in the kitchen nursing her headache with a coffee. I joke about it and then chat moves on to M.

I am keen to find out what she thinks about M's line of work and to my surprise, she couldn't be more excited. The two of them have shared all the gossip about how it works and exactly what happens on cam. We don't go into fine detail about what I have done on there too but she gets the idea. I ask if she is OK with the news to which she replies ''Hell yea. If shes making good money and you are happy...why not?!''.

I had always seen her as this little baby so didn't expect such a mature response to hearing the news. She was able to see past the fact that its porn. She had come to the decision that its a safe environment that M works in and clearly paying good money. So as long as her brother was happy then so was she.

It was a welcome relief that someone in my family other than me could see past the stigma of a Cam Model and appreciate that the person doing it is real and could not some filthy degenerate looking to make a sleazy buck like some people think.

I weighed up who I needed/wanted to tell and there were only two others now Kat was on board. My best friend Jon and my Mom!

I figured it easier to tackle the chat with Jon first. We've been friend for more years than I can remember and I have probably spent more time hanging out with him and playing sports than I have anyone else in my life.

He had spent a lot of time M. He was married with two kids and whenever a babysitter was possible we would always go to dinner, drinks, something. His wife and M loved each others company too, so their friendship means the world to me and M both.

Me and Jon went to a soccer game to watch our favorite team. We'd been hammered 4-0 by the opposition and neither of us was feeling great about wasting our night in the freezing weather to watch it. We left the car park to start our 45 minute drive home and there was silence for the first 10 minutes.

I have no idea why I felt this was the best time, but I went for it anyway. ''So......I may of lied about what M does for work''. He turned to face me and had no clue what I was talking about.

''You know how she waits tables.....yea that's not true. We had to keep it a secret to avoid people finding out what she really does''.

The silence continued from Jon's side, just a confused and somewhat scared look remained.

''You ever heard of a Cam model? well that's what she does''

''A cam model? like a model....fashion shoots and stuff? or are you talking nude modelling?'' His face began to grin.

I quickly stop him before he gets ahead of his thinking ''No you fool. So you know these late night TV shows where you can phone in and talk with the girl on television....its like that. Only you don't speak, you type and instead of a television, its on a computer screen and you pay for stuff with tokens''.

''And you are OK with that?''

''Yea, I am. 100%. She's awesome at it, she's never at risk, I can watch her if I wanted to and she makes a damn load of money!!!. Then once she is finished, I get her back and its just normal life again.''

It took the rest of the journey home to get him to believe that I wasn't joking with him. Once we got past that stage he got serious and began asking when she works, how she gets paid, how long its been happening and how does she keep it secret?

He came into our apartment for a beer to talk over this revelation. He was fascinated and couldn't believe that M did this. He kept saying how she seems so normal?! So quiet! He would never of guessed it.

We went into detail on how she remains anonymous by blocking the state we live in, which had worked so far. Then came some of the funnier stories about experiences on cam. I want to share some of these in a future post so I wont ruin any surprises, however, M has been in some 'odd' spots. From the guy who wanted her to be covered in Jelly with Sprinkles, to the man that offered money if she wore shoes to bed and posted him the inner soles.

He loved the stories and to this day, every time we hang out he asks for the latest batch of interesting chat from the room. M allowed him to share with his wife and as far as we know. they have always kept it to themselves. They never ask for explicit detail on the shows that M does, but they show an interest and end the chat when it starts to get beyond the boundary of where is comfortable as 'dinner chat'.

The one thing it did change in our friendship, was his willingness to share information about his sex life and relationship issues.

We've always shared EVERYTHING but what happens in bed or close personal info has always been left out. After sharing what M does for work, he never held back again. He goes into information on anything that happens and comes to me for advice or an opinion on his marriage. I have never claimed to be a Shrink but knowing that me and M are so bound in our love and trust of each other, he has been wide open to listen to my advice where I can give any.

So Jon is also on board with M's secret.

Finally my Mom. This one was the chat I feared being most awkward or cringy. How do you sit down with the lady that raised you from a baby and tell her that your girlfriend (and you ) perform sex acts on camera for money.

It may or may not be the case, but I feel like a man telling his Mom is harder than the Cam Model telling hers. The bond between a Mom and daughter (specially in M's case) is so strong that they are commonly like sisters with a slightly larger than normal age gap. M and her Mom share stories on everything and hold nothing back, whereas I made a conscious effort to keep everything from my Mom. First Girlfriend, first Kiss and definitely no information on sex. Jeez, I still held hope that even at 29 years old she thought I was a virgin. No matter how down to earth and cool my Mom is, I didn't want to share that with her.

This seemed different though. I had started to envision my life with M. Marriage, babies and growing old together, wrinkled and drinking iced tea on a porch, gossiping about our neighbors. I had to tell her what M did because it would be harder to approach that chat once married, I think??, who knows?.

I decide today's the day and phone my Mom. We get done talking and I invite her to dinner at a local place in town that night. An early treat for mothers day.

We meet there, take our seats and start dinner. I try 4-5 times to work into the conversation about M's work but a seamless link never appears. I do however manage to get her to drink a couple of large glasses of wine which Will come in handy for sure. I text M and warn her that I have decided to tell my Mom. This is news to her and she instantly panics. M's with her own Mom and the two of them are waiting anxiously to find out what happens.

In hindsight I should of warned her but I didn't want to go into the reasons for deciding it was time. I didn't want her to know I was sharing with Mom because I wanted to ask M to marry me. While my Mom's decision wouldn't stop me, it would make me feel more comfortable to know she's on board.

After I fail to start the chat at dinner, I suggest driving to a casino nearby and Mom agrees.

I finally get the words out once we hit the road. I start by telling her that I need to share a secret about M which no one can know. My Mom bless her heart, instantly thinks she about to be a grandma but I squash that thought as soon as I see her think it.

I go on to tell her what M does and again, leave out explicit details but she gets the idea. Her first reaction was to say that she knew something was wrong when M never seemed to be out of the apartment long enough to work a shift.

Again, like Jon and Kat, she asks how I feel about the situation. When its clear that i'm comfortable with it and that me and M have had many long talks about what may arise or difficulties that may be faced, she is fine.

She tells me how much she loves M and no job could ever change that. She adds that M has been a shining star in my life and something so amazing cant be wrong. We should follow our hearts and do what makes us happy.

Although she wasn't bubbling with pride or excitement she was never angry or disappointed  in us. She trusts us to make our own decisions in life and support whatever we choose.

Over a couple of drinks last Christmas she even joked in private that if Kat gets a little strapped for cash, she should look into a stint on Cam. To me, that sums my Mom up perfectly. She loves her children and see's beyond job titles or labels. She see's the person behind them and recognizes the beauty in everything about them.

Its an amazing feeling to get home to M and share the news. The hug as I walked in lasted an eternity.

I had known the people I was sharing with for many years, so had a rough idea what to expect from them. M didn't and had worried for so long. She had never managed to get a guy to accept the Cam model title before me, so to get the whole circle accepting and loving her.....It was a relief.

Next Post - High High's & Low Low's

Will You Try Camming With me?

Me and M had been together for just over a month now and it was clear to us both that things were special. An unexpected turn of events with my landlord meant that I had to start looking for somewhere else to live. I shopped around and found a great apartment complex with a gym and pool both included in the amenities. After very little thought I asked M how she felt about moving in with me. She jumped at the chance and handed her notice in. within a month we we both in our new home.

There are were two bedrooms in our new place. Obviously we only wanted one room to sleep in so that left a spare room across the hall.

I wanted a man cave for my boy toys and large flat screen TV, M on the other hand wanted the room as a cam room with it's huge built in closet for her outfits.

It was decided that the room would be both a man cave AND cam room, however to this day I have been unable to get my lazy boy or Xbox set up inside. Oh, and its a pink room with floral prints dotted around to match the very girly pink lamp shades and bedspread, so I guess no matter how hard I fool myself.... its a cam room and always will be. 1-0 M.

Its a nice setup we have and whenever M wants to go on cam she just gives me a kiss and disappears to the next room.

Her followers could clearly see that the apartment was different and she filled them in on our new adventure and that we were now living together, which again was received well by the gang.

One night i'm on the couch watching a movie and M is in her room camming. She comes over and sits beside me and just stares at me until i turn my head to acknowledge her.Then she opens her mouth ''So...... My room want to know if you will come say Hi''.

I kind of expected it would happen at some point, one of her sites lists 'Couples' as a category of cams to watch, so in the back of my mind I knew I would have to at least show my face and say hi. 

When I asked how the topic came up and she mentioned that since I've been chatting in her room a few times now, they wondered if they could put a face to the name.

I told M to go back on cam and said that i'd load up the laptop to come in and chat via text. She seemed OK with this and I signed in. All the usual people I had seen in there were chatting away and it seemed the theme of the conversation was about whether M would be able to get me on camera or if I would decline. I didn't type a word but they had spotted me enter the chat room.

They began taunting me (in a fun way) and M was standing up for me but then one guy upped the stakes. A name I recognize, its the guy I silenced the very first time I modded the room

''I will tip 1000 tokens if you just show your face, you don't even have to talk''

I laughed and M could be seen giggling on cam too. Then without another second passing he tips!

the whole 1000 without me even responding as to whether I would. He then goes on to type in a private message to M that he knows I won't and hes just playing around. The moment M tells me this I cant resist. I jump into the room and sit on the bed beside her smiling.

I'm not sure who was more surprised, M or the room. The chat wall filled with waving hand graphics and people saying hi. It was a strange feeling. I'm not a model or even good looking but it was such a great feeling to see this welcome and even the occasional compliments from females in the room. It was a strange feeling and the first time I ever got to feel how a model does when shes online with compliments being tossed at her. It's a unique feeling and I challenge anyone to hear those nice things in that environment and not smile or feel instantly uplifted. It was confirmation of the way M has said compliments online can really make the whole experience special, even on a quiet night.

I have an accent and people pick up on it straightaway. Usernames are trying to work out where I'm from but we don't give anything away. I told the guys it was nice to get on cam to say hi but I needed to get out of shot because I wasn't verified. The last thing M needed was to be banned from working, specially with our new place to help pay for.

When she signs off camera we speak about the night and M submits my details to get me registered on her profile. Not because we wanted to make it regular but just so that should the occasion ever arise....we're ready.

We hit a bar the following Friday night, had some wine did some dancing and then called a cab to head home. While in the back of the cab M tells me that several people have been asking about me online and wanted to know what we would do for tokens. It catches me off guard but i'm turned on by the thought. Just like the first night that I met M, I've got a slight buzz from drinking and i'm feeling brave. 

We decide to get on cam and set a goal of doing our first blow job show. 

M grabs her cell and tweets ''We are feeling horny, time for my first couple show. see you online shortly''.

Once we get home I've sobered up a little but M gets the laptop out and we sit in front of the screen to see what happens.

She hits broadcast and people start coming in. They recognize the room title is different than they're used to, this one says ''couple show''. We chat about our night and slowly the tips start to role in. It's not long before we hit the total and start.

It's moving along so fast and before I know it, M has started unbuttoning my pants and is caressing me. She turns the cam to the side and whispers to make sure i'm OK. I nod and we kiss before getting back to business. 

The room were awash with excitement about seeing M this way. We had the camera in a 'point of view' position so the people watching could only see her as if she was pleasuring them. This was by chance that it happened but was a nice way to be on cam sexually without having to show my face while I digested the way it felt.

After the show had ended, M began to get requests that we do more than a BJ but she knows i'm maxed out on my comfort meter. She does a solo show instead and signs off.

The moment she stops broadcasting she asks me how i'm felling and I explain it was OK. I am not a confident or sexual person in front of others, so the feeling is strange but I feel calm and it was fun to share with M.

We had an in depth chat about camming and even though we both had fun, we didn't want to upset the dynamic that she had worked so hard to build over the last year. We didn't want to become an online couple. That being said, M admitted that it was a refreshing change to her shows and made it much more entertaining for her. It had opened her room to a whole new audience of people looking for more than a solo show and her followers on both the site and twitter had increased. We decided not to rule out trying it again if the situation should ever arise because financially the night was a huge success.

M continued to Cam alone but I would occasionally pop my head into view to say hi when the atmosphere was right or she asked me to. I continued to chat in the room but not every night. It was important that M remained known as a solo entertainer.

Every model online will know that sometimes pay goals just seems a little harder to reach and you need to try new things to freshen the room up and keep people entertained. It was once such time that M approached me and asked if we could try the BJ online again because we needed a little more cash than normal.

I remember that my main concern with going on camera was that I didn't want to be recognized. Having tried it out a few times now I was more confident and willing to experiment but still didn't want the tag of being a cam model myself. 

I had a good career and an active social life. If either of these caught wind of my nocturnal activities I would be devastated. The buzz of keeping it secret was also fun. So I agreed to do a show with M again.

The goal was set online and was soon reached. Still no nerves from me and it was fun. We started the BJ and moved the camera to the same angle as before. I start to feel brave and suggest that if she was interested I would have sex on camera but I didn't want to show my face.

M was thrilled and wanted to as-well, so we changed the goal to have sex. 

We watched together while the room discussed how this was new and exciting. The viewers in the room had peaked at somewhere like 1000 people with a majority of people from 'the spectator' group.

Now I previously mentioned how these guys are nice and not to be under appreciated. Which 90% of the time is true. There is the other 10% though.....

We are having fun and goal has just been hit. We're about to start the show and are warming each other up when a guy starts to question who I am. He had been in the room several times before and had always been quiet. This time however, he wasn't impressed. Mainly because he had walked in on a couple show instead. M responds with who I am and that we're trying a new show tonight. He responds by insulting me and saying M could do better. He isn't impressed with my looks and jokes that 1000 people are about to watch me fail to satisfy her or better yet i wont even be able to get hard.

M kicks the guy from the room and we carry on but he's in my head now. The excitement and fun that I was feeling has been replaced by a nervous and ugly feeling of embarrassment. It's Clearly noticeable to everyone, so she tells the room she wants a quick cigarette before starting and we jump off screen.

I'm sure I lose 'man points' for this but I had never been so close to crying over words. The confidence i'd built over the last few months on cam with M had been shot to pieces. It really is impossible to describe the feeling of rejection and uselessness I felt, simply by receiving comments from a complete stranger. 

I had been in the room when 'trolls' had appeared before and they were swiftly dealt with. A silence or a ban...whatever. I had never expected to receive negativity my way though.

It was a confusing few minutes after covering the camera. On the one hand I had lost all interest in this camming stuff and wanted to disappear and hide, on the other hand was M and her fans/followers that had paid money to see a show. You could tell that M was torn about what to say too. She hugged me, reassured me and apologized, even though she had no need to. I told her I was OK and she decided that she would do the show alone, people would have to deal with it.

She went back on cam and I left her to do her thing. It took like 2-3 minutes of being alone for me to realize that I didn't want to defeated by this idiot. He probably spends his whole night moving from room to room getting inside peoples heads and now M was alone on cam dealing with the awkward situation. I walked back into the bedroom to see her naked on all fours, teasing the room before starting a show alone. I was instantly turned on and wanted to show we were stronger than that. I kissed her and we had amazing sex, while everyone watched.

That was the only show I remember us doing, to this very day, that we did not pay a single bit of attention to the laptop screen or what was being said about us. It was special and quite honestly one of the most intimate and passionate sexual moments we have shared together.

We will do a show together once or twice a fortnight now but its usually a BJ show. We rarely go into full sex on camera but when we do it is well received. There has never been a repeat performance of the guy who got into my head, although several have tried. 

If anyone reading this has a partner that's a cam model, don't be scared by the story of my first time. Along with the negative of that one guy, there's so many other nice people that are envious of you and would give their left nut to switch places. Lots of guys will comment on how lucky you are and its difficult not to smile and agree. M has a few followers now, male & female, that will come into the room because they like me and just want to say something nice about how I look or act. Its pretty amazing.

When M introduced me to her cam world, we worried about so many different things happening. Looking back...... that one guy is the only negative about introducing me. 

Next post - Sharing our secret

Meeting The 'Gang'

I had been into Maddison's (M) room a couple of times since that first night and finally decided that I needed to take the plunge to start getting involved in the chat side of things.

After several discussions about it, we figured there are two options on how to proceed with me in her cam life:

Option 1) I am M's boyfriend but she keeps me out of the web chat and holds her work as a kind of side project that I stay away from. Not because I cant be trusted or because I don't want to know whats happening but simply because it would be easier that the users visiting her room continue to see M as their own, which in term meant they would spoil her with tips in exchange for shows and flashes etc.

Option 2) We involve me in this life and embrace it together. I wouldn't be on the screen because I lacked confidence in my appearance and was basically a more shy/quiet kind of guy in 'real' life. I would however get involved in chat and let the guys get to know me and show I was a good person for M to have in her life.

It was a hard decision but we wanted to be open about our love while still being able to perform shows online for the benefit of others. M is an outgoing person and has learned to get a kick from performing online. When she started camming it was seen as a job and she figured she would have to fake a certain amount of the fun she would have, however, she soon discovered that it was a turn on for her to be voyeuristic. It was also a bonus that she would then get paid for it!!!

She started a broadcasting on one of her less frequent sites, I logged in and soon enough the room began filling up.

Looking back, I envy the bravery of a new user to join with the conversation of a room. The chat content seems to carry on from a previous session because the other, more frequent users, have been here before and have context on the models life and what she might of been up to.

75% of the time its someone from the 'friend' Group to start talking then everyone else joins in when possible.

This site uses a moderator system to police the room. They can silence users who are rude or demanding because the model isn't always free to click onto the screen and remove guys. Its seen as a privilege that you would have to work up to, then once the model trusts you..... she may 'Mod' you. A room will usually only have 2-3 Mods but that is entirely up to how many the model wants.

One benefit of being a Mod is that you can't be silenced in the room. It is for this reason that M made me a moderator in her room. Just in case I said something that people didn't like or I made a poor judgment call on a joke and someone saw it as rude. I had no tokens available so this also gave me the chance to stand out in the chat window because Mod text appears in red.

What M didn't realize was that giving me this status would show the room she had done so. Queue the third degree from all the regular users.

Who is this guy?
Why is he so special all of a sudden?
Do we know him?

etc, etc, etc.

I didn't want to be identified straight away, I wanted to build a kind of acceptance first, so M brushed the questions off by saying that I was a user from another site who wanted to try things out here. They all seemed to accept that and moved on.

I felt stupid for a while, just watching the chat flow. Every now and again I would add my 10 cents but it would always seem to filter onto a topic that I had no idea on.

Then this new guy joins the chat and says ''hey bitch, get off the cam!!''

Instantly I feel a weird mixture of rage and excitement. Rage because he has insulted my girlfriend in such a public way and excitement because I finally get to impose my mod status and look good to M's viewers.

Click goes the mouse, highlight user, and..... Silence. Done

I giggle to myself with pride but the response wasn't as I expected.

M is on screen with her hand over her mouth. The chat window explodes with activity:

''Wow, that just happened!''
''OMG, What the hell!''
''uh-oh, new guy messed up''

I quickly feel the buzz of adrenaline sending my hands into a shiver. I even say out loud ''What?!''. I finally breathe after what seems to be an eternity of holding my breathe.

M then proceeds to tell the screen and room that she's sorry, ''he's new, he didn't know. I'm sorry. sorry. sorry''.

Turns out that not only was he a regular user, he was the guy who held the unofficial title of M's most generous tip. Great?! How was I to know. I'm instantly embarrassed and type sorry in the chat. I close the laptop and swear at myself.

A few minutes pass and M calls me to explain that it really wasn't a big deal, the guy found it funny and the room were laughing at how quickly I had exited.

To stop repeat performances of this, they have actually implemented a kind of code word. If trouble comes in and starts to cause a scene, the room will start dropping the code word into random sentences to let the model know he needs kicking. Next chance she gets....He's kicked.

This has become a kind of inside joke in our personal lives too. We could be at a family dinner or event. If one of us drops the word 'Ninja' into conversation then we know that something has been said that shouldn't of and its time to turn the topic to something else. If only people knew a) that we do that or b) that the reason it happens is that we started doing it on a porn site with success.

It took me a week to get the courage to go back into her room. When I did, it was brought up, but seemed to pass quicker than I expected. I have since found out that she had warned the guys how bad I felt, so it shouldn't be mentioned again.

As difficult as that first session was, it seemed to make me a member of the crew and I soon settled.

I started to learn each persons characteristic and what they brought to the room. Id say there were 5 'Friend' users that were always around. One girl was actually a Cam Model herself (who for the purpose of this story i'll call Liz) and was chatty but also flash with her tipping. I took an instant dislike to her and it took me forever to put my finger on why. Some may assume jealousy but it seemed so much more. I felt like she was always judging me about the way I would chat in the room. She had to end every debate or one up me on a story. Even when the gang would move into her room she would always find a reason to ignore me or what I had to say. To the point that I actually stopped going in her room.

I spoke to M after Liz finished a session online and just came out with it ''I don't like Liz you know, she's a dick''. Her jaw dropped to the ground in shock. To this day I don't think I have ever seen her look the same way as she did at that point. It was a combination of shock, confusion and a hint of despair. We sat down and she told me how Liz had been there from the start and was the one that encouraged her to try being a Cam Model. She was a true friend so I simply had to give her another chance. M went on to explain that do they frequently Skype text off cam..... she was the one person that knew who I was.

It suddenly made sense. The feeling I couldn't explain...gone.

She was testing me out. She had been getting to know me and was pushing my buttons to see how I would react so that I could be the one being analyzed !?!?!

Finding that out instantly changed our understanding and relationship with each other. In a way neither of us has ever acknowledged, we're cool. She was looking out for M, which impressed me, in turn Liz appreciated that I make M happy. Eventually she was a bridesmaid for M too!

Looking back to my feelings about Liz and the ill timed silencing of 'Mr Big' is funny these days and has turned into a topic of discussion on the more chilled out nights when M is on cam just reminiscing.

The night M finally shared with the group who I was has also turned into a kind of feature event in her time broadcasting.

Most Cam Models will know the pain that I regularly see on M's face during a show when she has to leave the screen for a moment to visit the restroom. Both chat and tips are flowing, its a busy night but you know the second you leave the room... people will disappear.

It was one such night and I could see the pain in M's face while she weighed up the results between holding it in or going for it. It couldn't wait and she accepted defeat. She warned the guys she was going to the bathroom and clicked to mute the room for a second.

Well.....that's what she thought. Only she hadn't clicked mute, she missed. Next thing you can hear is the unzipping of her corset off cam, the and the sound of a seat being put down (that's right, I am in the small group of guys that will lift a seat to pee, but refuse to place it back down), then a slow but very clear hissing as she begins to pee.

Now I know everyone does it, but I also know that she was very conscious about being heard. She was even more conscious that it should ever happen when a chat room of some 1500 people could hear.

I was equally embarrassed for her knowing how she felt and also worrying what it would do for her confidence. I shouted from the next room ''Baby, you left your mic on, I can hear you Peeing!!!''. She didn't say a word but she frantically scurried back to cam to silence it.

Too late. The room heard and were being playful with it. Until someone clicks on what they heard being shouted. ''Hang on, how did your boyfriend know we could hear?'' Busted. She grinned because it had distracted from the situation, then she came clean. She went into details on who I was in the chat room and that I had been trying to get everyone to like me. Most of the guys said they thought as much but never wanted to press and find out for risk of upsetting M, a few were genuinely surprised too.

It turned to a topic of discussion. People could see why we had done this. Luckily enough I had managed the transition from Spectator to friend in the room so we never had to find out what would happen if they didn't like me.

It was such a relief to come clean. While we hadn't done anything wrong....it was the final hurdle we had both been concerned by. Or so we thought.......

Next Post - Will you try camming with me?

Lights, Camera & Action

The weekend soon came around and Maddison hadn't broadcast since telling me the truth about her real job. It was going to happen eventually, so she decided to cam with me in her chat room.

When talking about the broadcast and what we should expect,Two things arose as concerns. 

First, her Fans and followers. How would she approach the subject that there was a new guy in her life who would potentially be monopolizing her time, specially while the relationship was new.

How would she tell her guys? Would she tell her guys? How would they react? Will it change the room atmosphere?

The users in her room could be broken down into four categories (this is solely my opinion).

1- The Spectator 

They make up a majority of the cam room users. Not usually tippers and mainly just throw the odd compliment or even insult into the chat. However, spectators are not to be underestimated. Everybody that starts to watch a cam is a spectator to begin with. Over time these guys can become important members of the later groups, or they can choose to live in anonymity and get their kicks silently.

2- The Fantasist

A fantasist sees the cam as a window to the person they desire. They can roam a site for hours on end choosing which girl takes their fancy that night. Usually they will have many different girls they frequent but just see where the passion takes them. Tonight is a red head but tomorrow could be a brunette. It just depends how they are feeling. They will tip to get to the target amount a cam model has in her room, so they are able to take part and fantasize about being alone with the model.

3- The Spoiler

A spoiler is very similar to a fantasist. The thing that separates the two is their desire to 'shop around'. A spoiler might have a small group of women they visit regularly and when there they like to make themselves known. They will throw down frequent and/or big tips to please a model and treat them like their own girlfriend. They can become very close with a model and be good friends while still frequenting the room for a certain amount of sexual or emotional pleasure.

4- The Friend

The hardest group to break into and usually the smallest portion of a room. These people are trusted guys who are always around on cam sites and through various forms of social media. They take an active interest in the models life and see the model as more than a naked woman on cam doing shows. They see the model as a person and want to be as close as possible. While the smallest percentage of a room they will usually make up 50% of the chat and form a community of closeness with the model and other users that fall into the 'friend' category.

I would just add at this point, the grouping of a user in no way under appreciate the user. Every group is important to the model. Not only financially, but simply for the dynamic they add. Everyone has that close friend or colleague that they enjoy spending time with, but you sometimes want to go and socialize with a different group to add some variation to your life.

We were both concerned about how a new man would impact each user group. Spectators, by default, would probably just go with it and either enjoy or move on. Fantasists and Spoilers would be the most effected by a change. These people are around for their kicks and might not want to be handing their tips over to a girl if they know she's unavailable. 

Now lets face it, 99% of situations the model was unavailable but the key to getting tips from these groups is to appear available not never actually BE available. Furthermore, one of the draws to tipping the model for these guys is that they assume the model will be relying on their support financially AND emotionally. If she suddenly has a significant other, then the need for emotional support lessens dramatically. 

The last group, the Friends, was an all together different beast. These guys are committed to the model. They are likely to be defensive for all the right reasons. They have been with the model through various ups and downs. They don't want to see her hurt and will do their utmost to ensure her happiness.

None of these groups had seen Maddison go through a relationship before and we needed to tread very carefully. 

The very reason Maddison had become so involved in her cam world was because of a previous relationship meltdown. I will go over this in future posts but for reference to the current post, just know that the users in her room had seen the lows of a breakup and didn't want Maddison at that point again.

So that is concern One. 

Secondly, how will I act in this?

I have never been in a situation where my partner is giving other guys attention. Specially when it could be the sort of attention I have only experienced in private as an intimate moment between us.

The only way to move forward was to just see what happens. Just jump in the water and see what happens.

I decided that I would be more comfortable if I was away from her when she started to broadcast. In the event that I didn't handle it well, it would be awful for her if she was in front of the cam with me across the room acting uncomfortable and wanting to end the session.

So Friday came around and it was show time.

I was at my house, while she was in her apartment across town. I could feel a kind of nervous, numbness in my arms and legs while I loaded up the website and created a username.I had a beer nearby to relax my nerves and a pizza in the oven. I wasn't even hungry but figured it would be a welcome distraction should things go wrong. Then I waited for her to show online.

My cell lights up and its Maddison calling me, wanting to check I'm OK and ready to go.

''Yes! lets go. Good luck''

Before you know it I am sat there, laptop in front of me, watching my girlfriend, dressed in revealing lingerie, is talking to these usernames (which to this day remains my favorite part of watching cam chat. Some of the names are crazy and it's hilarious to sit in the next room hearing Maddison welcome guys like Buttluver99 or robocock_rick).

Maddison didn't take long before sharing with the room about her new romance. She exchanged a few greetings and people began asking why she seemed so bubbly and vibrant tonight. ''I've met a guy and hes amazing''. 

She gave a few basic details like how we met, what I looked like and everyone was genuinely happy for her. They could tell that she 'loved up' as I think one guy put it but overall they were happy with her news and the way it was clearly making her feel. Chat about her new romance began fading out and the room settled to what I now know as normal.

It didn't take long before tips started rolling in and she had to show her boobs. My cell lights up again, a text this time. ''Eek here goes, please don't hate me''. Before I could reply though, there they were. Boobs out and a room of people watching and commentating on their size, shape and how much they would love to...well, you get the idea.

I had been strangely dreading this moment. You would think that it would be a turn on to watch your girlfriend naked and posing seductively. 

I am glad to say though that the nerves instantly disappeared. I have to admit it was strange to start with but once you choose to see past the fact that your girlfriend is naked in a kind of public way, you actually see that you are one lucky guy and you managed to find a real beauty with a heart and personality to match.

Instead of finding the room erotic it was relaxing and intimate, even though you are sharing the moment with a thousand or so other people.

It became clear that even though she was getting naked, she had already planned that this would be a gentle welcome for me. She had a headline in the room that said it was a chilled night to hang out and see where it goes, instead of a full on masturbation show with toys etc.

The chat window helped immensely. It was awesome to see this group take on a community type mentality. Each user in the room had a unique character behind the ridiculous username and everyone active in the chat was genuinely pleased to spend time online with Maddison. It blew me away how she came alive and was able to act exactly as she would in 'real life'. It is no simple task to have a chat with that many people, yet she was in her element. 

People can sometimes get the idea that when a model is in front of that camera she will change, or act a certain because way she thinks you want her to. That was not the case with Maddison, I was instantly in awe and proud to see that she was able to mix this cam world with her personality and really have fun.

There were several flashes and dances on cam, I chose to avoid chatting myself this once, just while I observed the dynamic I was going to be thrust into one day.

I was sensing that Maddison was a little apprehensive of my reaction and I took the chance to send her a message to say that I was OK and simply in amazement at her beauty.

This seemed to relax her and she went back to her thing, before a Spoiler and a Fantasist decided that they wanted to start a tipping war. The Spoiler and fantasist well and truly spoiled Maddison. She sent me a message to warn me that she was probably going to do an actual show now.

I replied that it was fine with me but I didn't think i was ready to be a part of that yet. She jumped off cam after telling the room she would be right back and immediately called me.

After reassuring her that it'd been a fun night I added that i was about to sign off and let her relax knowing that I wasn't there for a little while. To this day I remember her exact response  ''I don't mind if you are there, you are the one I want''. The best part of hearing that was that I believed her. I believed her and felt the exact same way. I had no doubt in my mind that this woman was the one for me. We both knew.

I pulled some excuse about having to be up early for practice in the morning, said that we are GOOD and that I feel complete safety in our relationship together. Off she went to do her thing and while I closed the laptop to watch a movie and try to  calm down to a normal level of brain activity again.

A few hours later she text to say she was offline now and about to go to sleep. To which I replied ''You are truly amazing, thank you for sharing with me. night night.x''

In the morning she came over and we spoke about the previous night. To be honest we really didn't go into explicit detail. Neither of us felt a need to. We could both feel a level of stress and worry had been lifted.

She explained that a few guys had messaged her during the broadcast and that they were interested in this new guy but none seemed threatened or concerned. All of them had commented in some way that she looks more happy than they have ever seen. If she was happy, then so were they.

They also mentioned that they were keen to get me into the room or on cam so they could grill me and find out more, to which she replied ''He will be in the room soon, don't worry''. She asked what I thought about that and I agreed that it made total sense and couldn't wait to come say hi to gang.

The chat just ended there. We were both cool with the situation and nothing else mattered. We cuddled and went on with our day together. Things are GOOD!

Next Post - Meeting the gang

You're a What?!

The Meet

A quiet night out in the local bar and I've started to get a buzz on from the nights drinking with some friends.

While usually a shy and quiet guy, I feel the shots have started to take their toll on my inhibitions and I'm starting to feel brave.

The guys around me are jeering and being stereotypical frat guys and I look around to see who we have started to offend after i hear huffs of anger from the next table.

As I look to my left there's a middle aged couple, both dressed in office attire and looking miserable. This is definitely the source of the huffing and puffing. They didn't look like they were interested in hearing other people have a good time after putting a probable 50+ hours in the office this week. They just wanted a quick glass of savignon blanc before heading home to slip on their night dresses and hide from the ever nearing Monday morning rush hour they will surely face after the weekend.

I laugh to myself at the thought of being in such a relationship. Damn I love being single, no drama, no rules, endless xbox and time to just do what I wa..... hang on. Over the shoulder of my buddy Jack, I spot the most gorgeous, elegant and out right breathe taking beauty I have ever seen.

Legs folded as she sat perched on the stool at the bar. Hair pulled back with her bangs pulled over to reveal her captivating smile. Wearing a jump suit, all in black with a diamond studded belt to match her clutch on the bar in front of her.

I have to know this girl. My whole night and more would be ruined if I didn't at least find out her name.

She was with one other woman but even as I look back now I couldn't explain what this other woman looked like, what her hair was like or even the color of the outfit she wore. Everything else is a blur, except for this princess looking, jumpsuit wearing stunner that quite literally stole my breathe away.

At that moment her friend left the bar area towards the ladies room and I seized my chance to say hi while she was alone.

Now at this point I would love to write about how I charmed her and left her feeling just half the feelings I had felt in spotting her, but I would be lying. In fact I bumbled my words and she even turned down my drink offer because she was about to leave.

Feeling rejected I left my card and said if she ever changes her mind then I would love to buy her a drink some time. My liquid courage had worn off and I left the bar with my friends but the night ended soon after because.....well....lets say some friends can't handle their liquor and I always turn out to be that guy who makes sure they get home safe.

A week passed and out of the blue I receive a text message from an unknown local number. ''Hey, its Maddison. We met in Blake's Bar last week and you left me your card''

OMG. The dream Girl has kept my number.

We exchange a few texts and it turns out that her friend, saw me making a fool of myself and leaving. Maddison was single and her friend encouraged her to text me about a drink when they agreed I was cute (yes, that made me feel awesome).

So a couple of days later we meet for drinks and I take her to my favorite restaurant called Zizzario. We have undeniable chemistry and start the whole 'date chat' thing. What are you into? where are you from? Where do you work? etc.

She was a waitress in a steak house a couple of counties over from mine. I had never been or heard of it but she said it was a family run business and only just taking off. Now being a huge steak fan I was instantly intrigued and asking about the menu and specials, we agreed one day she would take me there to try the special steak sauce. A family recipe containing Stilton cheese and bacon.

The night went well and after food and drinks I took her home. Being the total gentleman I went for a kiss to the cheek after walking her to her door, so it was a nice surprise when our lips full on locked instead and I pulled her in for a movie kiss.

I cant really describe the feeling of that first kiss without sounding like a 7th grade girl on her first date. So i'll just leave it at....it was perfection.

We exchanged endless texts and phone calls over the coming couple of weeks and it was clear to us both that this was special.

One thing that kept playing on my mind was that she didn't have to work much. We had seen each other several times and she never had to plan ahead due to work. Even when we would text she was home or at a friends house. I asked why that was and she just said she had lots of vacation days that needed using. Sounds fair enough.

Then out of the blue I get a text ''We need to talk, I haven't been totally honest with you and need to tell you the truth before we go any further''.

I felt my heartbeat increase with fear that this amazing woman I had found was a liar and married or cheating already. I instantly replied ''What, tell me whats up!''

Maddison then tried calling me but I couldn't bring myself to answer and hear what I thought was coming. I declined the call like a worried child, hoping that if I didn't hear it then it wasn't real. Another text comes through ''Please talk to me, I need you to know about my real job. I'm not a waitress''.

''Oh My God'' I reply. ''I thought is was something serious like a husband you hadn't told me about''

I called her straight back and asked ''So if you aren't a waitress...what do you do?''

Maddison went quiet before replying ''Well, its not a job that most people understand and others get the wrong idea about it''. I quite literally laughed on the phone and said '' Don't tell me you are a stripper?!''

Silence followed......

''You know I don't mind if you are, we can handle that, we have something special''

''Well, not quite'' she replied. Hhhhhmmm now I'm curious and scared all over again. I remember silently praying in my mind, please don't be hooker, please don't be a hooker, I can't handle that.

There was a a silence that seemed to last an eternity before she opened her mouth again ''Have you ever heard of a Cam Girl, that's what I am?''

''You're a what?!, no, no I haven't''

She continued ''A cam girl, a web model, someone that gets naked on a web cam for tips''

Over the next 5-10 minutes she explained EXACTLY what happens when a model gets on a web cam on her site and how they make their money. I agreed that I was OK with the news but needed to digest the information and ask more questions once I had a chance to work it out. I asked if I could come over and talk, she agreed.

That night she showed me the site she broadcasts from and took me in several 'chat rooms' to get an idea of how it works and the different types of shows or conversations that take place from all over the world.

How have I never heard of this?! Quite literally hundreds of rooms on this one site alone. Then we looked at other sites she broadcasts from.

I saw some things I never expected to see in my lifetime, some erotic, some funny and some just plan weird. There were mainly girls broadcasting but couples could do it too or even guys alone.

Maddison explained that the reason she had held back the real job was because she didn't want a guy just expecting nudes or having a different idea of what to expect from her until they had actually gotten to know her. Once she realized me and her had something worth exploring, she knew that she had to come clean. Even if it risked losing us, it wasn't fair to hold it back.

We had a real heart to heart about the site, the work and the reasons she had started in the first place.

I am and always have been open to most things. I find myself willing to listen to peoples reasons for their choices. This girl and what we have is special. I was prepared to see what this 'Cam Stuff' was all about.

Next Post - Lights, Camera...Action